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Who you “are” is not a metaphysical fact it’s a self-constructed tag, used for convenience to dumb down the complexity of interpersonal judgements and communication.
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We don’t, as a rule, get to make up our own new personal meanings for words and expect others to play along.īut if you’re capable of feeling attraction to members of more than one sex, as many people are, and yet you orient your romantic and sexual behavior primarily around the “same-sex” side of things (by dint of your own free choosing), then go ahead and consider yourself gay. Now, if you find yourself overwhelmingly attracted to members of the opposite sex, and not at all to members of the same sex (obviously, these are oversimplifications sex is not a simple binary), you would be a bad citizen of your language community to go on and apply the label “gay” to yourself.
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If you think you’re gay, then you’re gay.
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That is, it is a question of how one chooses to self-identify.
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“Being gay” - as opposed to “feeling uncontrollably and exclusively attracted to same-sex individuals” - is a question of identity, and one’s identity is in many respects up to oneself. I think Cynthia Nixon is a lot closer to correct on this issue than her detractors. When the religious right says it’s a choice, they mean you quite literally choose your sexual orientation, you can change it at will, and that’s bull.”
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Some gay rights advocates find this explanation less than satisfying. Writing on AmericaBlog Gay, John Aravosis argued that Nixon “needs to learn how to choose her words better, because she just fell into a right-wing trap, willingly. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with.” I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. “As you can tell, I am very annoyed about this issue. Her face was red and her arms were waving. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.” “A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I think the logic is a bit fuzzy in the above analysis, but we’ll set that aside for now. In other words, homosexuality could be “cured.” Which in turn implies that being gay is some sort of illness. Hence, the offense taken to this point of view. If it is not an immutable characteristic, that would imply that a gay person could be somehow transformed into a straight one. The question of whether sexual orientation is subject to nature or nurture – or some combination of both – has been hotly debated for years. Karen Kaplan of the LA Times explains the problem: I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me.” “I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. UPDATE: See HuffPost Live debate on this topic here.Ĭan you be gay by choice? Consider the following, from the Huffington Post:įormer “Sex and the City” star Cynthia Nixon says she is gay by “choice” – a statement that has riled many gay rights activitists who insist that people don’t choose their sexual orientation. Choosing one’s own (sexual) identity: Shifting the terms of the ‘gay rights’ debateīy Brian Earp ( Follow Brian on Twitter by clicking here.)